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Tyle · 14-10-2014 03:12 PM

There is this really funny story I found from a Chinese site - I doubt that it's 100% real, but since I love it so much, I decide to translate it myself. (it also make good translation practice.)

Original here

Long text ahead. I tried to stay as original as I could, so the format might look a little weird.

Spoiler (Show)

"Lemme introduce to you all first, this is my cat:

[Image: 5b3d6813-5418-f890-ce5c-592166aad2b7.jpg]

One night when I was on my phone, my cat walked towards me and I wonder, can I use its pawprint as my phone's password...?

It's all because my smartphone has a fingerprint reader located right on the back of it:

[Image: 4c991d94-5418-f890-ce5c-a133f61535ab.jpg]

[Image: 4c991d94-5418-f890-ce5c-a133f61535ab.jpg]

Moreover, you can set up different prints for different screens, like index finger leads me to screen A and middle finger leads me to screen B, just in case of stupid kids trying to hack into my phone.

Well then, does it work for a cat's pawprint?
To testify my idea, here's what I had done...

[Image: 4d2403b5-5418-f890-ce5c-4d35543de979.jpg]

[Image: 4d2403b5-5418-f890-ce5c-4d35543de979.jpg]

IT WORKS!

[Image: 4daea0b6-5418-f890-ce5c-daff81f1f791.jpg]

It only takes a second to unlock it!
Then, I also discovered I can set up a specific print for payment, so I thought...if pawprint works, maybe the print of my toe works too? I tried pressing my toe against the reader and...(pic is too gross)

...oh, it worked too.

Come to think about it, this was way too cool: I can use my cat to unlock my phone and my toe to buy things online...!(I'm not sure this is something to be proud of)

Oh by the way, my phone was running out of power. I had not charged it for 2 days, so I plugged in the cable in a rush and went to sleep.

The next day morning, I heard the kindergarten's morning announcement in a daze. This kindergarten next to my home broadcasts its announcement every 9 o'clock in the morni-

WAIT A SECOND! 9 o'clock!? I had set my phone's alarm clock to ring at 8!

I jumped out of my bed and took a look at it and

[Image: 4e45c916-5418-f890-ce5c-ef256bf73207.jpg]

[Image: 4e45c916-5418-f890-ce5c-ef256bf73207.jpg]

(it's not even charged at all!)

I had a very important meeting today and I can't be late! I spent 5 minutes washing and tidying, just as I was about to leave, wait a second...

The unlock code right now was set to my cat's pawprint, and I can't change it without battery! What should I do now!

With a serious consideration that lasted 10 second, I came to a proper decision:
[Image: 51e082b9-5418-f890-ce5c-32c7271c1730.jpg]

[Image: 51e082b9-5418-f890-ce5c-32c7271c1730.jpg]

(I should bring the cat to the company!)

An employee stopped me when I was getting in the subway.

Employee: You can't enter with your pet.

Me: Why?

Employee: We have rules.

He then pointed at a sign on the wall and said, see?

[Image: 53e7eb55-5418-f890-ce5c-aec07c336253.jpg]

[Image: 53e7eb55-5418-f890-ce5c-aec07c336253.jpg]

Me: That's a dog, mine is a cat

Employee: No pets allowed.

Me: It's not my pet, I don't even pet it.

Employee: GET OUT!

My only choice was to call for taxi now. Fortunately, I got one once I was out of the station - with a very talkative driver.

Driver: Where the hell are you going?

Me: To work.

Driver: What the? What kind of company lets you bring your cat to work?

Me: Uh, my cat locked my phone, I need to unlock my phone with it.

After that the driver stayed silent. It was obvious he thought something was wrong with my head.

[Image: 552d6325-5418-f890-ce5c-ee151b2ef8ae.jpg]

[Image: 552d6325-5418-f890-ce5c-ee151b2ef8ae.jpg]

When I arrived at my workplace, I started to worry again. My boss would be furious if he saw me bringing a cat, and how should I explain this to my colleagues? Telling them I was so bored I used my cat as my phone's unlock code? And then forgetting to charge the phone and bring it with me here to unlock it like an idiot?

Absolutely not! I can't leave that nonsensical, idiotic impression to everybody!

I had to pretend I brought the cat by accident, so I sneaked into my seat, took the cat outta the catbag, put it in another bag, and screamed

WTF! I BROUGHT THE CAT WITH ME!
How did I not realize you crawled into my bag when I was not looking!

[Image: 5658e011-5418-f890-ce5c-4731ac99bcfe.jpg]

[Image: 5658e011-5418-f890-ce5c-4731ac99bcfe.jpg]

My colleagues all gathered up and looked at my cat. It worked, they didn't think I was an idiot. They all thought I was completely insane.

With the cable plugged, my phone was finally on.

[Image: 572b5371-5418-f890-ce5c-d5435169340d.jpg]

[Image: 572b5371-5418-f890-ce5c-d5435169340d.jpg]

I asked people around me to take care of my cat, made sure it didn't run around. I went to the toilet before the meeting, and met up with my colleague on the way. He said, where had you been? The boss and the clients were all waiting in the meeting room for your product promotion!

And I said, I'll be there right after I go to the bathroom, get my computer to the room and everything else on top of it, I need them for the presentation.

As I returned and hurried to the room, my jaw dropped when I pushed open the door. About a dozen persons in the room,

ALL STARING AT A CAT ON THE TABLE!

[Image: 57f11c66-5418-f890-ce5c-a283e5260840.jpg]

[Image: 57f11c66-5418-f890-ce5c-a283e5260840.jpg]

People all looked at me with shock when I entered too, just like this:

[Image: 5871dfa4-5418-f890-ce5c-4188ab7eb03f.jpg]

I sat down quietly and asked my colleague, why did you bring the cat in too?

He replied, well you told me to bring the computer and everything on top of it. Your cat was sitting right on top of it.

I almost strangled him on the spot. Was my cat a 'thing'? Besides the ceiling was on top of my computer so why didn't you break it down and bring it with you too.

Well, the only thing left to do was to start the presentation now.

The first thing to present was a new mobile app our company developed. So I picked up my cat to unlock my phone, and in front of everyone,

[Image: 59281db1-5418-f890-ce5c-6fab473880bc.jpg]

With a "ka-chuck", the screen was turned on and everyone's jaws dropped...

Just when I wanted to start talking about the app, one of the clients asked what the hell just happened.

An idea struck me and I said, since this is a very important project, we emphasize on securing our data. To prevent our competitors from copying our ideas, this cat was used as key to unlock all devices that contain the project's data.

Then I demonstrated once again, "ka-chuck"

[Image: 59e4f612-5418-f890-ce5c-5be3d2cb10e1.jpg]

[Image: 59e4f612-5418-f890-ce5c-5be3d2cb10e1.jpg]

...the meeting was over. It was a good thing product promotion is easier.

My boss called me to the office, and I told him everything about how I set up the cat's pawprint as my phone's unlock code.

Boss: Don't you have too much time on your hands? It's a wonder you haven't use your toe's print as a code as well.

Me: Well I did...as payment password, when I want to buy something.

I immediately took off my shoe and bought a lottery ticket as demonstration.

My boss was silent.

MY AWKWARD DAY WAS FINALLY OVER!!!

As I took the subway to work today, I went pass where I was stopped yesterday and thought, I was so stupid. Who would bring a cat to work?

Then, I saw something doodled next to the signs on the wall.

[Image: 5a8af287-5418-f890-ce5c-5ed48d4ab05c.jpg]

[Image: 5a8af287-5418-f890-ce5c-5ed48d4ab05c.jpg]

The employee that stopped me was far away, smirking at me."

Rainor · 14-10-2014 03:19 PM

Fucking genius

***Yurlyn*** · 14-10-2014 03:19 PM

Hahahaha xDD This is the best story ever xD

Razgriz · 14-10-2014 04:49 PM

Took the time to read this. I didn't regret it. Smile

***shadow_strike*** · 14-10-2014 06:42 PM

A+ would read again

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode A story about cat pawprints and smartphone
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